Director: Law Wing Cheong
Cast: Donnie Yen, Wang Baoqiang, Eva Huang Sheng Yi, Simon Yam, Lo Hoi Pang, Jacqueline Chong, Lam Suet, Benny Chan, Mark Wu You Fai, Hu Ming
Running Time: 104 min.
Blu-ray November 11, 2014 'Please retry' — 1. 5.0 out of 5 stars Iceman 3D. Reviewed in the United Kingdom on April 12, 2017. Iceman, is a 3D martial arts action adventure from renowned director Law Wing-cheong, co-directed and starring action megastar Donnie Yen. A remake of the 19.
A remake of the 1989 kung fu fantasy “The Iceman Cometh,” in which a Ming dynasty warrior time-travels to contempo Hong Kong, “Iceman 3D” is snowed under by f/x of variable quality, as. Iceman by Law Wing-cheung. Iceman, formerly known as The Iceman Cometh, is a 2014 Hong Kong-Chinese 3D martial arts action-comedy film directed by Law Wing-cheung and starring Donnie Yen, who also serves as the film’s action director.
By Paul Bramhall
2014 has been a busy 12 months for Donnie Yen, with Special ID, The Monkey King, Kung Fu Jungle, and Iceman 3D all hitting cinema screens over the course of the year. This is on top of the movies he’s already started production on, which are due for release in 2015. So it’s fair to say the guy has a very full plate on his table. The question is of course, with such a packed schedule, is the quality of the productions being affected by working on so many movies at once?
While at the time of writing, Kung Fu Jungle has yet to be released,Special ID and The Monkey King both drew heavy doses of criticism, and while both had their supporters, it was fair to say that the majority seemed to give them a thumbs down. I myself was scarred by the experience of Special ID, and The Monkey King didn’t particularly appeal. For the purposes of this review, I’ll be completely transparent and say I didn’t have any intention of watching Iceman 3D, a remake of the 1989 movie The Iceman Cometh. While some fans hold the original in high regard, for me (with the exception of the final fight between Yuen Biao and Yuen Wah) it’s a largely forgettable piece of Hong Kong cinema.
So the news of a remake, which is being split into two parts no less – that gives us Donnie Yen in place of Yuen Biao, and Wang Bao Qiang in place of Yuen Wah – was hardly an attractive sell. Nevertheless, circumstances converged to find me watching Yen’s latest effort, so I was prepared to go in with an open mind. To my surprise, I found Iceman 3D to be an entertainingly dumb experience. It’s dumb on an epic scale, in a way which is best described as combining the genius/grating comedy of The Lucky Stars movies, with the big budget action of a Hollywood blockbuster, while still maintaining that certain level of charm that so many of Hong Kong’s 1980’s output had.
Within the first few minutes we’re subjected to Donnie’s rocket powered pissing power, as he relieves himself of several centuries worth of holding it in. This scene essentially acts like a calling card for the rest of the movie; kind of like a “This is what you’re letting yourself in for, if you don’t like it, turn off now.” Sure enough, the movie proceeds to deliver on the early promise shown in that first scene, with Yen at one point dispatching of a whole SWAT team through the use of a toilet filled with his exploding feces. Yes, you read that line correctly. He also gets fart jokes as well, so he’s basically given the chance to express the whole human digestive process through what we’re supposed to believe is comedy gold.
Of course, it isn’t. However, things move along briskly, and there’s a high level of energy throughout the proceedings, which somehow makes its stupidity somewhat charming. Iceman 3D also deviates form the original in that Yen has to deal with not just one frozen comrade from the past, but two. Wang Bao Qiang and Yu Kang play the thawed out soldiers pursuing Yen through modern Hong Kong, however compared to the raping and pillaging of Yuen Wah in the original, they surprisingly lack any real sense of villainy. Instead, we’re given a series of mildly amusing scenes in which they indulge in a variety of different curries, and there’s a genuinely amusing karaoke scene.
Instead of being a pair of villains for us to root against, Bao Qiang and Kang are actually rather likeable. This is backed up by the fact that the very reason they’re after Yen is for a crime he didn’t commit, as it becomes gradually clear through the flashbacks to the past that Yen has been framed by some higher power, no doubt to be revealed in Iceman 3D 2. What’s more surprising is that it’s actually Yen himself who gets the most brutal scene of the movie, were he dishes out some serious pain to Lam Suet that’s reminiscent of some of Yuen Wah’s scenes from the original. It’s moments like this which define the rather schizophrenic nature of the remake.
The Iceman 3d 2014 Free
Being a Yen movie, many will go in with the expectation of wanting to see some kung fu action, and it’s probably the movie’s lack of this which has resulted in it drawing a lot of disdain from other reviewers. That’s not to say the movie doesn’t have action, it does, and a decent amount of it, however, just like Yen’s exaggerated bowel movements, the action is equally exaggerated. From ancient warriors snowboarding down the side of a mountain, to the final confrontation on a traffic filled bridge, those looking for Yen to get his hands dirty will be left wanting, as there’s a lot of wire-work and CGI in the action scenes. Fans may be pacified by the nightclub fight, which does remain largely grounded, and features Yen’s trademark split second flurry of punches, but overall the action goes for fantastical rather than grounded.
That being said, the tone of the action scenes is perfectly aligned with the tone of the rest of the movie. Silliness is the order of the day here: Yen running around Hong Kong in possession of an ancient penis (note: not his own); Yen able to perfectly use a tablet less than 5 minutes after seeing one for the first time; Simon Yam’s exceptionally strange hair; and Eva Huang’s awkwardly staged English language scene.
Of course there are also downsides, which include the odd, not-so-subtle swipe at Hong Kong, which was no doubt inserted into the script for mainland appeal (in one scene, Huang explains to Yen how when she first arrived in Hong Kong and spoke Mandarin, everyone would look down on her, to which Yen cheesily responds, “We are weird xenophobic beings.”) However, these unintentionally amusing exchanges are still a lot more palatable than the usual in-your-face flag waving that these movies find themselves subject to these days.
Speaking of nationalistic undertones, Iceman 3D also deserves special mention in that it’s the only Hong Kong kung fu movie I’ve seen in recent times which features a finale pitting Chinese vs. Chinese. Refreshingly, there is no sudden plot twist involving Japanese or Western villains being shoe horned into the plot (I’m looking at you True Legend). It’s simply a good old fashioned good guy vs. the bad guys. Of course as I mentioned, the story leaves on a cliffhanger to set us up for Iceman 3D 2, and I have to say the closing twist involving Simon Yam actually comes over as being quite smart. I don’t think it’s too much of a spoiler to say the twist may go a long way to explaining exactly why Bao Qiang and Kang aren’t portrayed as being particularly villainous; at the same time, there’s a hint that the whole thing could be wrapped up by the arrival of some evil Japanese again. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that it doesn’t go down that path.
All in all, Iceman 3D probably isn’t what most Yen fans wanted, and it’s probably not the movie a lot of traditionally minded Hong Kong movie fans wanted either, but it is an unpretentious and, dare I say fun, 100 minutes. Perhaps that’s enough.
Paul Bramhall’s Rating: 7/10
The Iceman 3d 2014 Torrent
Donnie Yen returns with the bewildering and sometimes entertaining action-comedy Iceman 3D. A 3D (duh) remake of the 1989 film Iceman Cometh starring Yuen Biao and Maggie Cheung, Iceman 3D apes the original’s mix of genres but ups the ante with bigger effects, a more complicated plot and an excess of puerile comedy. Predictably, the whole thing is a mess, though not without some amusement. Yen plays He Ying, a Ming Dynasty-era royal bodyguard who’s frozen in ice and wakes up in present-day Hong Kong. Unlike the original film, Ying isn’t looking for justice. Whereas Yuen Biao’s Ying sought to stop an evil murderer/rapist played by Yuen Wah, Donnie Yen’s Iceman is actually the pursued. Ying was framed for collusion with evil Japanese and frozen in ice alongside former comrades Sao (Wang Baoqiang) and Niefu (Yu Kang). With all three thawed in the present, Sao and Niefu go about hunting down Ying, who they mistakenly consider to be a traitor.
Ying’s real quest involves “Linga”, an amber crystal that’s said to be the deity Shiva’s penis. Linga needs to be inserted into the “Golden Wheel of Time”, and if the user recites the “Golden Mantra” at the same time, important stuff happens. Ying carries Linga and now seeks the Golden Wheel of Time, but he’s stuck acclimating himself to the 21st century, a process that includes urinating with industrial-strength force, drinking out of toilets, riding on top of buses advertising the movie Bauhinia Woman, and hanging around with cast members from Patrick Kong movies. The lone member of Ying’s entourage who’s not a Patrick Kong disciple is May (Eva Huang), a club hostess who becomes Ying’s confidante and romantic interest. May owes money and has a sick mother (Bonnie Wong), and that’s the extent of her storyline. Meanwhile, Sao and Niefu fall in with Pakistani gangs and become obsessed with curry chicken. Also, Simon Yam plays a bad guy, and this half-hearted plot description may be better than the film’s actual script.
If the detail about Shiva’s penis and its insertion into another entity have not made it evident, I’ll say it plainly: Iceman 3D is exceptionally juvenile. The writers (who worked on the Lan Kwai Fong movies, fancy that) aim low with many gags, including slings at homosexuals, obscure references to porn stars and an epic poop joke. At one point, Ying fights off his enemies by squatting on a toilet and loading it with his explosive waste, whereupon he escapes while others are scraping Ming Dynasty feces off their faces. Besides not explaining when Ying learned about toilets (one minute he’s drinking out of them, the next he’s using them as mortar launchers), the filmmakers default to these lowbrow sensibilities far too often. Some surprise and even guffaws do result from the gags, though their success isn’t related to a funny story or good comic timing. Basically, if poop makes you laugh, Iceman 3D is there for you. However, Farrelly Brothers movies are far more accomplished at this sort of thing.
The Iceman 3d 2014
At least Donnie Yen seems to be a good sport, and participates in the bathroom humor enthusiastically. Yen’s fans might find Iceman 3D beneath the actor, as it kneecaps his badass screen image with crappy comedy and an even worse story. The frustration is understandable, though it should be noted that Donnie Yen is a producer on the film, and some of the character details hew to his personally-cultivated image. His Iceman is a strong man despite his propensity to fart and fling poo. Unlike Yuen Biao, Yen is not emasculated by the female lead and instead imparts valuable wisdom and knowledge to those around him. In Special ID, Yen declared, “Life must be experienced!” while in Iceman 3D, he preaches, “You can do anything with insistence and faith!” He also comforts May about her shoddy treatment by Hong Kongers (she’s from the mainland) by saying, “We are weird xenophobic beings.” These nuggets of wisdom are OK in that they’re not pushed egregiously, but they’re incredibly pedestrian and soften both Yen and Iceman 3D to a near mush-like state. Drippy Donnie Yen is far from a turn-on.
This mix of elements can amuse, though the whole thing is uneven and eventually grows tiresome. The comedy sometimes works, both intentionally and unintentionally, but the storytelling and script are awful. Too often the film grinds to a halt for an exposition dump. One such scene involves Simon Yam meeting another character on a golf course for a metric ton of exposition (much of it repeated from an earlier scene), after which he nods and then leaves. This is obviously filmmaking gold. The action fares better, provided the audience doesn’t expect actual martial arts. Yen, Wang and Yu show off decent moves, but they’re mostly in the service of CGI-aided set pieces, particularly one lengthy skirmish taking place on the Tsing Ma Bridge. Compared to other films in this genre, there’s a noticeable increase to the scale of the action – perhaps attempted to compete with the Transformers or Marvel movies as audience-drawing blockbusters. However, the filmmakers can’t match that level of technical skill or polish and ultimately end up looking like wannabes.
Overall, Iceman 3D is a mixed-bag that sometimes entertains, but not enough to justify its budget or status as the first film in a duology. The film ends with unresolved plot threads, among them the uninteresting romance between Ying and May, plus the identity of the people who framed Ying. All that is tabled for Iceman 3D 2 (Or is it Iceman 2 3D?), which arrives in a few months – hopefully enough time will have passed by then to wash the taste of this first film away. Honestly, if Iceman 2 can deliver on the action, nobody will care about what happened in the first film, a sad commentary on some audiences (i.e., the ones who don’t care about story as long as the punching is awesome), but also confirmation that what happened in Iceman 1 is really not worth remembering. Iceman 3D needed to give us something – anything – that would make us want to return for more of time-displaced Ying and his dream lover May. But the most memorable thing about this movie may be explosive poo. Your mileage hopefully varies. (Kozo 4/2014)